Just in case you missed an episode here's the Web's definitive Ally McBeal review of each programme going back to Series Two. 

Series Four started with a double bill on Channel 4 on Wednesday 1 August 2001 and ended on 19 December 2001.

The Wedding (19/12/01)

The Wedding - what wedding?? Should it have been Ally and Larry?

Young Ally takes her broken Ken doll to her mother, who promptly throws it in the bin telling her they don’t make the men as strong as the women. Ally wakes in bed and then sees the dancing baby in top hat and tails singing "Never gonna get married". She throws a shoe at it and it turns into a cherub. She calls the cherub to her and than tries to whack it with a handy tennis racket, but as she does so it turns into a monster. She screams and her mother comes rushing in to see her. Ally tells her it was a dream and that she is fine.

At the breakfast meeting at C&F Richard introduces Jane Willkoe to the firm. John tells them that she has been hired to bring some warmth to the firm. Richard allocates a new case to Ally although he does not know what it is about, but as he does so Ally sees him as Billy. She then looks at Jackson, but sees him singing "You’ve got a friend". Then Elaine comes in dressed in black with a veil and tells her that her 10 o’clock appointment is here.

Ally introduces herself to Reverend Harris, the expert from the cloning case, and a young Malcolm Wyatt. The Reverend tells Ally that Malcolm is one of his choir boys who is in dire and immediate need of Ally’s help. He had a date for the school prom and just a week before the prom date she has told Malcolm that she is going with another boy. He wants Ally to get an order making the girl go with Malcolm. Ally is sceptical and tells them that in order to get such an order they would have to show irreparable harm. Malcolm explains that the girl is special to him. They have been friends since the 9^th Grade. He loves her and does not think he could ever love someone else. At that Ally sees Billy in the doorway. She is not sure she can take the case but the Reverend asks to speak with her alone. He tells her that Malcolm is a necrophiliac. Ally is aghast, but the Reverend goes on to explain he has a fear of wide-open spaces. Ally corrects him - its agoraphobic. Flustered by his mistake the Reverend goes on to explain that asking this girl to the prom is a huge thing for Malcolm, and that he was also going to sing there. He thinks it will empower Malcolm to go. Plus the lawyer for the girl is Larry Paul. "Have you been up against him personally?" asks the Reverend. "You could say that." Ally responds, as she agrees to take the case.

In the bar Richard and Jane are dancing to "Rescue Me". Ling and Nelle pout at the bar. John and Ally are sitting at a table and John says that she should call Larry, but she says she can’t. They dance together and Ally thanks John for caring. As Vanda sings "For Once in My Life" Ally makes a hasty exit (understandably) leaving John shadow dancing alone.

Ally has gone back home and Renee asks her what she is doing. She says that she is thinking about her track record. Renee asks if Larry has called, but she confirms he hasn’t. Ally asks Renee to play "Sleep Tight My Love" which she does. Ally cries. "You’ll beat this," says Renee. "I know I will," says Ally, "but first I have to beat him in court."

Ally is at the courthouse in virginal white, with Reverend Harris and Malcolm. The lift door opens and the people spill out, but there is no Larry. Instead it is Corretta with her client, and her mother and father. Corretta asks Ally if she has heard from him. Ally says no, and Corretta tells her that he has gone back to Detroit. "To live?" Ally asks forlornly "Yeh, but not with her. To be near his son." Corretta tells her.

In court Ally and Corretta argue about the possible breach of promise to Malcolm and how it has caused him irreparable harm. The Reverend stands up and tells the Judge that Malcolm is a borderline necrophiliac…..The Judge decides that he wants to hear from Malcolm and so he takes the stand. He tells the court that he believes everyone has one person who is right for them and that Andrea is his. She is the only person who knows him. The Judge says that he has his sympathy, but that he is only 17. The Reverend jumps up to complain that age is not relevant, but the Judge tells him to be quiet and refuses to grant the order.

Outside the court Ally tells Malcolm that they did not really deserve to win as this was not a case of irreparable harm. She tells him about her love for Billy and Larry. "I still love him, but experience tells me that I will love and be loved again." "You still believe in love?" he asks. "You have to." Says Ally. In her mind she sees a Marine Sergeant Major and she is a private screaming "Men suck sir!!"

Back at the office Jane tries to be friendly to Ling, but she just blanks her. Richard asks Jane if she is getting on OK and she tells him that it is a bit cold in the office. She had expected it to be warmer as he and John are so nice. Richard realises that she has a point.

Ally is in church. Malcolm is there to and Ally says that she has come to see him. She tells him that he should still sing at the prom. He tells her that he asked to sing at the prom as he didn’t want people to pick on Andrea for going with him. He wanted to show everyone that he was good at something. But he says he will not go alone. Ally offers to go with him if he will sing and he agrees. Ally leaves to go and buy a dress.

Back at the office Jane goes in to see John and tells him that she thinks Richard is sad and is sitting in his office, because he is sitting there with a sign round his neck saying I am sad. John goes in to see Richard and he is sitting there with a sign round his neck saying "Go away. I am sad". John asks him what the problem is and he tells him that the office is a cold place. No-one cares about each other. John tells him that he and Ally have had a wonderful year. Even Richard has shone through with Jane. Richard says he wants some compassion and he and John agree they need to make big changes.

Ally is in the dress shop where the assistant suggests she is a little old for a prom dress, but scuttles off to see what she can find. While she is away Ally surveys the wedding dresses and then the dummies start to sing. Ally covers her face and when the assistant returns the dummies are quiet again.

Back at the office Richard asks Ally if he and Jane can come along to the prom. Ally reluctantly agrees. Elaine comes in and tells her that her Dad is here. Ally goes down to see him in the bar, where he is sat at the piano. He says that he wants to kill Larry, but Ally says he didn’t do anything wrong and that he is in pain too. They sing together their song from when Ally was little and she hugs her Dad.

That evening Elaine is getting Ally ready for her Prom in Ally’s office. Alone for a moment Ally looks into the mirror and sees Billy. She asks him why he has not been around lately, and he tells her that it is because she hasn’t needed him. He has come to share some classified information, which is that she has a very happy life ahead of her. She tells him that she never doubted it. He tells her he loves her. She cries and says thank you to Billy who then disappears. Malcolm arrives in his tux and promptly trips over, before they leave for the prom.

At the prom KC & the Sunshine Band are playing. Ally introduces herself to fellow promenaders as Malcolm’s mistress. Richard and Jane are soon at The Hustle and they have the whole dancefloor at it to the strains of "Boogie Man". Malcolm is beginning to get cold feet about his song, but Ally convinces him to go through with it. He is introduced to the crowd, but no-one is very interested, until he starts to sing. Naturally he is great (although the song is pretty dire - Your’e Still You). The room settles to a hush as he sings and Ally cries imagining herself alone in the room. As he finishes his song there is a deathly hush, before rapturous applause [apparently that really was the unknown Josh Groban’s voice and his album is available with that song on it - click here].

After the prom Malcolm walks Ally home and she tells him what an amazing voice he has. He thanks her and trips up again. They stop outside his home and she tells him that he has helped her and that he will meet somebody. "I will and you will," she says and kisses him gently on the cheek.

Ally walks home alone of course. Richard and Jane walk home together….and so we move on to Series 5……….

Home Again (12/12/01)

Ally is on the operating table. Her heart exposed, when the surgeon halts proceedings declaring that the heart has been broken. As he throws it into the bin Ally wakes next to the sleeping Larry.

Over breakfast Ally discusses her dream with Renee. Renee tries to pass it off as just a dream, but Ally says it means something and that at dinner something happened. [A scene which we did not see] When the waiter brought the "Fruit Cobbler", which Larry ordered, Larry’s face apparently fell with every bite she took. She cannot understand it.

At Larry’s office all is explained (sort of). He tells Corretta that the waiter brought the dessert to the wrong table. [For those not in the know it had contained an engagement ring and Larry was going to propose - original storyline involving Ally accepting ruined by Downey Jrs subsequent arrest etc?]. Corretta suggests he just propose in the old fashioned way, but Larry thinks the previous night’s failure is an omen. As Corretta walks out telling Larry there is no such thing as an omen Larry’s ex-wife, Helena Fisher, walks in, and invites Larry to lunch.

In LA Richard has flown out to see Jane, who is after some advice. She has had some nude photos taken as part of her portfolio, but now a magazine wants to publish them. Jane is concerned what her father will say. Unfortunately the contract gives the photographer the right to publish the photos. Jane says she never read it. Richard asks to see the pictures, but Jane is reluctant. Eventually she agrees and Richard’s tongue naturally falls out of his head as he studies them. "They are artful. They don’t show George W" he comments. Richard tells Jane that he will schedule an immediate "conjunction" and that he will move to suppress them on the grounds of them being unconstitutional, and that they may be able to scare them off with the threat of "punitory damages" (all bunkum, of course). He therefore phones John who tells him he needs an "injunction", that moving to suppress is a criminal motion, the Constitution has nothing to do with a contract case and that if he threatens "punitory" rather than "punitive" damages, then he will have lost before he begins. As Richard hangs on the phone a bikini-clad (just) Nicole, Jane’s roommate, appears. She too had photos done, but they have never been published. Richard tells Jane he is going to meet with the magazine’s attorneys and that he’d like Nicole to be there too.

At C&F John is just leaving his office when he conjures up a speeded-up version of Barry White in the mirror. Ally enters and watches him. John explains that he needs to access him regularly and that only has time to do it at speed. He asks what Ally wants. Initially she says nothing really until pressed when she says that Larry is going to dump her. The romantic dinner the previous evening hadn’t worked and Larry has just cancelled lunch. She feels that something is up. John says he is free for lunch and they go out together.

At an ice-cream parlour Larry and his ex are having lunch. They are discussing the merits of marriage, which Larry condemns for various reasons. She tries to convince him otherwise. She asks for a cannister of whipped cream. She squirts in onto her finger and puts it on the end of his nose, replicating what he used to do to her when she was depressed.

Meanwhile Ally and John are heading towards the same ice-cream parlour. They spot Larry whose face is being daubed in cream by his ex. John suggests pizza. Ally stomps into the parlour and Larry introduces his ex-wife, but when Ally asks what they are talking about they both say "nothing", rather unconvincingly. Ally grabs Larry’s dish and dumps it on his head, then adds Helena’s and then some chocolate sauce just for good measure, before applying the coup de grace by spraying him in whipped cream. She and John then leave. "She seems nice" says Helena. "She’s a sweetheart," says Larry.

Ally is back at her flat broken-hearted. She thinks back to her relationship with Larry and his penchant for leaving with a note. Ally won’t let John into her room, so he has called Renee. John explains the problem briefly to Renee, but she won’t let her in either.

At Larry’s office Corretta is picking the last of the ice cream out of Larry’s hair. She tells him that he has to talk with Ally and he says he plans to but without "hot fudge hair". Larry thinks its another omen. Corretta tells him to go and talk to her.

In LA Richard, Jane and Nicole are in the meeting with the magazine’s attorney, who suggests patronisingly that a contract is a contract. Richard counters by asking Nicole to take off her shirt, displaying her voluptuous shape. Richard suggests that if her photos weren’t published then what expectation could Jane have had of her photos ever being published. Mr Line is unsympathetic to Richard’s interesting argument or his "have a heart" request.

John has finally got in to see Ally and tells her that she is making a mountain out of a molehill. Ally puts everything together and says that she just doesn’t trust Larry. She has already called him and broken up with him.

Back in LA the three amigos are chatting (how did Richard not suggest a threesome?). Richard tells the others that he has a motion scheduled for 3pm and that they should go in and take one last shot.

At Larry’s office Larry is explaining to Corretta that Ally has dumped him because she does not trust him. Corretta suggests it is just pre-marriage nerves, but Larry counters by saying she has no experience of marriage. He has an ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend with a child who are going to be in his life and that Ally just cannot cope with that now. Larry says that he is a two-time loser on relationships and that maybe he is afraid of strike three.

Ally is still at home thinking about her first meeting with Larry. Renee tells her that no man can make or break her. Renee suggests a consoling ice-cream, but Ally says she is going to go to work.

In the office the crew are discussing Ally and Larry’s break-up, when John and Ally exit the lift. There is a deathly hush. Ling feigns concern to John, but his cellphone rings. Its Richard. He’s going into court wired-up so that John can tell him what to say. If he wins then he might get sex. He tells John he’ll call him back from court. Jane tells Richard that he is sweet and that she wishes she could pay him. He says that seeing her naked was payment enough and says that he is sure she is a great actress. She kisses him sweetly.

Back in Boston Ally is on the phone to her Mum, who obviously thinks something is wrong. Ally promises her nothing is wrong and gets cross and hangs up. The others are listening at the door.

At Larry’s office Helena turns up to speak with Larry. Larry sends Corretta out for a coffee so he can speak with Helena. Helena cannot understand how he had been on the verge of proposing and now it is all over. Larry admits that it is not Ally but him. Helena poses the question of how his life is now without her.

In John’s office he is setting up pictures of the parties in Richard’s LA court case. (We’ll skip over how he could possibly have got them in the last few minutes). He hears the case called in LA and Richard stands and authoritatively asks for a temporary restraining order against the defendant publishers. Mr Line points to the fact that he has a signed contract, but through John, Richard suggests that there was no meeting of the minds. John needs to think of his next argument and asks Richard to buy him some time. Richard waffles about Martin Luther King and Teddy Roosevelt, which allows John to suggest that they have as much relevance as Mr Line’s arguments. John is in mid-flow when he gets a crossed-line and then gets cut off. Richard is flying solo. He argues that the world is full of legal jargon. The judge asks if he is a real lawyer. He suggests he sounds like a lay person. And that allows Richard to make his closing point that Jane is a lay person, who does not understand the law, particularly in this complex contract.

That evening Larry goes to see Ally at her office. He tells her that he and his ex were discussing her, and more importantly him. He tells her that he does not really trust himself. He has failed as a father and a husband, and he thinks he may fail again, and with that he leaves. Ally walks home alone.

At home Ally discusses Larry’s erratic behaviour with Renee. She tells Renee that he leaves notes. "I’m going to get a note," she says.

Next morning Ally walks to work, seeing others as herself pushing buggies, and then bumps into her mother, who tells her she is worried. Ally hugs her and cries.

In court in LA the judge decides in favour of Jane. Richard looks shocked as the contract is voided. Jane asks how she can thank him and Richard of course just says "Sex". More in hope than anything. She declines his kind offer but suggests they hustle that evening, but Richard tells her he is flying out later that day.

Ally has stopped for a coffee with her Mum. She suggests that it is too early to declare the split final. Ally is embarrassed that she is incomplete. Her mother tells her that family is everything and that she shouldn’t be embarrassed about wanting a family. Ally says she is not sure she can go on without him, but her Mum says that she is the strongest person she knows and that she’ll go on come what may.

Richard is packed and ready to go. Jane asks him to take the "red-eye", but he says no. Then he has an idea and suggests that she comes to Boston and works for C&F while doing local theatre. She thinks he is asking her to move in with him, but he says that is not the offder.

Ally exits the lift at C&F in black and white. Elaine tells her that Larry came by to see her. Having told Elaine she doesn’t ever want to see him, she cannot help but get her hopes up a little, as the colour returns. But Elaine continues "He dropped off a note". Ally knows its over. She walks away and closes her office door, declining to even open the note as she knows what it says. Elaine cannot resist. It reads "I LOVE YOU. GOODBYE."

Queen Bee (05/12/01)

Man magnet Sydney Gale comes into the C&F office looking for Richard Fish. When he sees her he can hardly speak. The others look on nervously as Richard takes her into his office. Turns out she runs an ad agency and she is being sued for sexual harassment. She hires only men to work for her. She is the queen bee in her hive. Coming on to Richard in her sexy voice she offers him the chance to suck on her toe (always happens doesn’t it) which he accepts (we used to offer tea and a biscuit).

At the morning meeting Richard tells them that Lisa Knowles and Mark Newman are having problems again (the choir leader and the Reverend from a few shows back). Ling interrupts. She wants to know who the woman was who came into the office the previous evening. Richard tells them its Sydney Gale and that she is being sued for wrongful termination. Richard asks John to take the case, but Ling says she does not want the firm to represent "that woman". Richard allocates Reverend Newman to Nelle and Jackson.

Richard calls John into his office and admits that he sucked on Sydney’s toe. John is horrified. Sydney enters the office and Richard introduces her to John. He too is beguiled by her and she offers to show him her toe too.

Meanwhile Reverend Newman tells Nelle and Jackson that he has a new girlfriend, and that Lisa doesn’t like it. The girlfriend, Buttons, is in the choir and Lisa apparently sings at her sometimes, directing her hostile songs at her rather than at the Reverend. Both girls want him to fire the other. He wants to fire Lisa, but he’s afraid of being sued for sexual harassment. He invites Nelle and Jackson to come to the service that evening to see the problem.

In court Mr Dickens, a male employee of Sydney’s, is giving evidence. He tells the court that all the men work for her and crave her. Most of the 100 employees have had sexual contact with her. When Dickens told Sydney that he no longer wanted to lust after her she fired him. When John crosses it transpires that Dickens said he wanted no contact with her whatsoever, as he could not resist her. He did not leave of his own volition as he did not want to leave her. He had not had sex with Sydney, but would lick her forearm, which she would let him do after he had begged her. John just shakes his head.

At the church that evening Reverend Newman is in full flow. The choir kicks in with Lisa at the forefront singing "Run for your life" (hardly a Sunday classic). Buttons makes her way through the choir and sings back at Lisa. They battle it out in song, as Nelle and Jackson watch on.

Next day at C&F Richard and John are watching a video about bees. John points out the queen. Reverend Newman is talking to Nelle and Jackson. They tell him that there is no cause of action, and Jackson suggests they get them both in a room. The Reverend is dubious, but Jackson convinces him that his speciality is "smooth" (a little known area of the law). Nelle is less convinced.

Richard leads Sydney through her evidence. She explains her beehive principle of working with her at the centre. She explains that sex is part of the scenario as the drones work better if they want to copulate. Richard laps it up of course. On cross examination she confirms that she expects all her employees to want to have sex with her.

Going back to C&F Richard and John fawn over Sydney. She goes to the unisex while John and Richard discuss the case. John has no idea if they are winning. He admits that he is drawn to her. He wants to ravage her. Naturally this is deeply disturbing to the otherwise controllable Biscuit. He begs Richard not to let him succumb.

Nelle and Jackson have got the singing protagonists together in the conference room. Lisa is represented by a rotund Mrs Parkes who suggests that the sexual harassment law is an expanding area of law. Nelle suggests that she is obviously quick to champion expansion. "Are you making a fat joke?" asks Mrs Parkes. The smooth Jackson steps in to calm the situation. "Oh shut up, pretty boy. Nobody likes a pretty boy." Says Mrs Parkes. Nelle cannot resist a quick snigger. Turns out Mrs Parkes is not a lawyer, just an "Emotional Representative". She leaves them with an ultimatum - either he dumps Buttons or Lisa goes on singer what she wants to sing. As Nelle says "seems the smooth approach fell short".

In the unisex John tells Sydney that he wants to interview one of her satisfied employees and call one as a witness. Sydney asks him if he isn’t just a little bit jealous of Richard. She says she knows he craves a gentle kiss. He resists her flirting initially, but then she lifts him to her and kisses him.

Nelle has called Lisa in to see her alone. She tells her that she cannot do this. She suggests she is humiliating herself. Nelle suggests she sings her pain, but tones it down a little.

John and Richard have gone to the Gale Advertising Agency. She takes them into the main office where her drones are buzzing about. As she walks through they all buzz around her.

Nelle and Jackson are now trying to sell the deal with Lisa to Reverend Newman. She suggests that by dating another member of the choir he may be creating a hostile work environment. Buttons must stop jumping out of the chorus. They agree to give it a go.

Back in court another Gale drone is on the stand. He explains her system works as there is no competition as they are all just trying to please Sydney.

In church that evening Nelle and Jackson are waiting to see what happens. Reverend Newman is preaching about the law and suggests they should all celebrate God’s law as one. Lisa moves to the front and sings about her pain and how she cannot make her love unhappy. She leaves crying half way through the song.

In Richard’s office John is explaining to Richard that he must have her, but he does not want to succumb. "Don’t let me alone with that woman", he says as Sydney enters the room. She says she is aching to find out what would happen if they were alone. John leaves for court. Sydney closes the door leaving just her and Richard.

Nelle is at the church talking to Mrs Parkes. She is there to speak with Lisa. Nelle says she was moved by the song. She suggests it was too much pain. She cannot sing about it in the workplace.

Neat cut back to the trial where Counsel for Mr Dickens is summing up also about rules in the workplace. Neat cut back to Lisa who wants protection in her workplace. Neat cut (you get the idea) to the trial where Miss Gale is alleged to be preying on the weak. John closes for Sydney, with frequent sexual references to himself rather than others. The question is whether Sydney Gale is illegal.

Nelle is back at the office and is telling Reverend Newman that he is not free in his own workplace. He has to be careful. His relationship needs to be kept discrete.

Recess at court and John is talking more calmly with Sydney, but she is all over him. He warns her that he may be more than she can handle. She invites him to tear off her clothes, but he resists his lust. Just in time Richard comes in to tell them the jury is back. The jury (for some reason they believe the applicant is called Jacobs - sure he was Dickens earlier!) find for Sydney. She thanks Richard and John and lifts John up again to kiss him. Richard looks on aghast.

In the bar Anastascia and Vanda blast out "My Love is a Lie". Sydney dances with the guys in the bar and Ling warns Jackson not even to look at her. Nelle tells Jackson that Lisa is going to try and stop singing, but if she fails they can always go back to his smooth approach. Jackson is not amused. Richard commends John on his strength of character in resisting Sydney. They agree that if more women figure out this queen bee thing then all men will be in trouble.

Cloudy Skies, Chance of a Parade (28/11/01)

Its Ally’s birthday again (31) - always a troublesome time for her. She is in bed and her alarm clock wakes her with a few apparent home truths - "tick, tick, don’t you ever won’t to have a baby?" Ally wakes and goes into the bathroom to survey her wrinkles. She tells Renee its time for her first face lift. "You don’t look a day over 40" Renee tells her and receives a low flying shoe for her whimsical efforts.

At the morning meeting Ally is missing. Mark informs them that she called in "older". Its her birthday. She's depressed he explains. Nelle feigns concern for her work colleague. Suddenly John stands and takes charge of the meeting with a Richardesque "Next up!" Richard is flummoxed. He cannot understand what John is up to. He conducts the meetings. John takes his seat and asks Richard to "move along." Its Dale v Holby - a patient suing a doctor for a bad nose job - John looks mortified and his nose whistles in sympathy. Richard allocates it to John and Nelle, but John declines. He has a thing about noses having been traumatised by a History teacher who caught John staring at his big n..n..n…(he cannot even say it). John continues to try and get out of the case, but eventually stands and says "Fine then. Move along. Next up!" Richard sits down sheepishly.

In Larry’s office he is interviewing Corretta Lipp for the post of associate. She is unimpressed by his office and its facilities and makes to leave. Larry tells her its a shame as in his mind he had already hired her. At this point Sting (he’s a pop singer for those from Mars) enters looking for Mr Larry Paul. Corretta thinks its a stunt, but soon agrees to open a file, asking for Sting’s last name.

Back at C&F Nelle is interviewing Harold Dale who had the nose job. He requested the nose, but he says not this big. John cannot help staring at it. Dale is a female impersonator and over the years Barbra Streisand has become his biggest character. Rather than wear a prosthetic nose he asked the surgeon to enlarge his existing nose. Trouble is he is also an actor and his new nose is just too big. At which point John nearly falls out of the office window as the offending article is pointed in his direction.

At the courthouse Larry is in court representing Sting. The claim against him is that "Mr Sting" broke up the claimant’s marriage by singing directly to her at a concert. She became enraptured with "Mr Sting" which threatens her marriage. Judge Walsh thinks its ridiculous but orders discovery by depositions.

To the strains of Sting’s latest US release (cynical, but then why else do the show?) we see Ally cogitating at home. Renee snaps her out of it telling her she is going to be late for work (isn’t she already?). Renee tells her she cannot "miserate". She is not a pathetic lonely desperate woman on the verge of spinsterhood, like last year. She has a man this year. Renee asks her if there is something wrong, to which Ally tells her there must be, but she doesn’t know what it is. Renee leaves and Ally hears music. Its an old dancing baby with a zimmer frame, who keels over and dies, before disappearing. Ally continues to reflect on Larry and marriage when the old baby returns with a cannon. She tells him to leave, but he shoots - at which point Ally wakes from a dream on her couch.

Back at C&F again the nose case has got to depositions. They compare computer images of what he asked for with what he has got, again causing John some problems. They argue the toss and John asks why they just cannot redo it, but apparently the cartilage is now " a little compromised". "This is about something else altogether, isn’t Harold?" says the plastic surgeon. Harold says no, but then leaves.

In the bar Elaine is practising her song for Ally’s party. Jackson is there but has nothing to do so leaves Elaine to it.

Its time for the Sting depositions. Husband Louis Foy says that Sting was singing directly to his wife, Melissa, who is also there even though she is not a party to the proceedings. Louis says that Sting sang "We’ll be together" looking straight at Melissa and then he wooed her. Lewis agrees to demonstrate using a tape deck that he has brought for that very purpose. Lewis does a poor Sting impression.

Meanwhile Nelle has followed Harold into her office telling him that she cannot get any admission of liability from the surgeon and then asks him what she doesn’t know. Harold tells her that he broke up with his boyfriend after the surgery. His boyfriend regarded the surgery as the final straw - altering his looks for the sake of the act. Nelle suggests he is blaming his break-up on the nose and therefore the surgeon. Harold says that is not the case.

At Ally’s flat she is still deep in thought when Richard enters, using a copy key made by Jackson. Richard says he has come to distract her from her thoughts by telling her that he wants Ling back. Ally tells him to make her jealous by shopping, so that she thinks he has a new woman who is dressing him. Richard is grateful for the swift solution and asks if she wants to talk about her problem, but she declines, much to his relief. But then she tells him anyway. She is troubled by the fact that life is NOW. She still feels alone while happy with someone else.

In the unisex Elaine and Jackson are talking about the song. Elaine tells him that she is happy to perform alone, and then tells Jackson that he is known as "the man in the mirror" for his own vanity. Who better to steal the limelight from Ally on her birthday than the pair of them together. Jackson says that if he is to sing with Elaine then it won’t be some old Elvis number. He is smooth. She agrees.

Melissa is now being deposed. She says a woman knows when she is being spoken to and that Sting was talking to her. She says that she separated from her husband because he refused to accept that Sting loved her that night. She needed to believe in it. She realised a dream. She asks Sting if it was just an illusion. He doesn't answer.

In Ally’s bathroom she is trying to confront her fears, but the geriatric baby keeps appearing. She tries to grab him but slides into Renee’s feet instead. She explains the situation and tells Renee she is fine.

Richard and Mark are out shopping at the mall when Richard spots Cindy Margolis, an internet porn star, who Richard idolises over (amongst other messier things) doing a swimsuit fashion shoot. Richard says that he has to meet her.

At C&F Harold is contemplating an offer of $40,000 just to avoid litigation. John is hiding behind a laptop screen to avoid further embarrassment. He emerges to advise Harold to settle. Nelle asks John to excuse them and in a motion of rare emotion suggests he takes the $40,000, the new nose and does what he loves doing - performing.

In the bar that evening Jackson and Elaine are singing a duet, which sounds like it ought to have been in the film Bugsy Malone. Ally asks Ling if Jackson's performance makes her jealous, but Ling says no, not with Elaine. Renee inadvertently admits to sleeping with Jackson, and tries unconvincingly to cover her tracks. Meanwhile Elaine starts to work up a sweat. Nelle and John are having a celebratory drink with Harold, and Nelle suggests he does a turn. Meanwhile Elaine gets wetter. Ling is unimpressed.

Ally has retired to her office when Richard walks in and wants to know why she is not at her party. "Seems to be the year for skipping my party" she replies, referring to the absent Larry. She tells Richard that she thinks he is going to leave. Richard says she is making too much of it, but Ally remains convinced Larry is going to go.

Despite having Cindy Margolis waiting, Richard goes to see Larry who is about to deal with Sting’s deposition. Larry reads him the riot act about his failure to be with Ally on her birthday and then leaves.

Back at the bar Renee is singing. Ling gives Jackson a hard time for sleeping with Renee and for not re-sleeping with her, even though she won’t let him (aah women….). Jackson despairs and then Richard enters with Cindy Margolis. Ling looks on miffed.

Sting is deposed by the "not coooommfortable lawyer". He asks him if he wanted to be with Melissa that evening as he sang to her. Sting hesitates and answers "Yes". Larry is dumbstruck as Sting tells Melissa that he imagined himself running away with her and making love to her. She is naturally rather moved. Larry picks Sting up and takes him outside. Corretta explains that Sting is just being noble and Sting asks them to settle for $50,000/$60,000. Larry agrees mumbling about sacrificing his own love life to deal with the case. Corretta explains to Sting about Ally’s birthday. Lewis and Melissa are happy again, but Corretta suggests they go to a movie to celebrate their anniversary, rather than go and see Bruce Springsteen.

In the bar Harold does his Barbra Streisand impression. When he’s done Ally suggests she is about to leave, but they make her stay. Ling comments on Richard being with Cindy Margolis, whom he used to download from the internet when she wouldn’t put out. Ally again makes to leave when the lights dim. Larry starts to sing "Every Breath You Take". Ally watches him intently, and then Sting appears and takes over. Then they sing together as the crowd go nuts. Larry dances with Ally as Sting sings and then they finish together. Ally watches, not quite sure.

Ally and Larry walk home together and Ally says he has halfway made up for missing her birthday. Larry tells her he loves her and they kiss passionately as Vanda sings. Then they make love (not in the street, back at Ally’s place). Afterwards Larry sleeps (after all he is a man) face down (was that him in the bed or a body double thrown in after they had to change the storyline??) as Ally wonders how it is all going to pan out.

In Search of Barry White (28/11/01)

Its late and Jackson is in the unisex having a wash. Ling enters and stares at him, seeing him in slow motion. She leaves (without using the loo) and tells Ally that she thinks she is having her mental problem. Ally asks which one, but as she goes to answer Jackson appears from the unisex once again in slow motion to Ling. The others see him in normal speed. Richard emerges from the lift and Ling sees him in fast forward mode. Ally explains that Ling is in love.

In John’s office he sees a client, Mr Stoller, who tells John that he wants to have a child via his dead wife. Technically he would like to clone her. There’s a silence, but then Mr Stoller confirms that he has some of his ex-wife’s tissue cells, hair, and blood. John makes uncomfortable noises. Stoller’s sister-in-law is seeking an injunction to prevent him carrying out the procedure. John is not keen until he hears that Larry Paul is on the other side.

Ling, in an inappropriate silk number, breezes into Nelle’s office where she is chatting to her online date (online of course). Ling asks her what about "it", and explains to Nelle that a woman doesn’t have true control over a man until she has her hand on his "dumbstick". (I’m not com…fortable with that remark) Nelle fights back by asking her about the slow moving Jackson. Ling leaves.

She walks through the reception area and sees double speed Richard and slow mo Jackson. She races off. John calls Ally into his office and tells her that he has Larry opposing him on his new case. He asks if there are "any buttons to push", but Ally says she has a conflict of interest. John asks for just one thing as his case "falls deeply short on merit". Ally tells him that with Larry it is all about rhythm.

In Richard’s office he is watching a Cindy Margolis video. Ling swaggers in throws away his remote control and puts her leg (with the strangest stockings you can possibly imagine) in front of his face. She demands he plays with her knee, but Richard refuses. She makes to leave when Richard suggests they are truthful with one another, but Richard points out that she has been shaving her legs in the morning before going to work and not at night before bed - a sure sign that their relationship is over.

In court Larry is addressing the judge, but John keeps interrupting and objecting - sexual innuendo, vulgarity, and mockery - all very valid objections. As Larry tries to say that it is not a choice that Mr Stoller can make John mutters "it is too". Larry apologises as he had prepared for lots of case law, but is totally unprepared for "it is too". John objects. The judge sets the hearing for the next morning.

That evening at Ally’s flat she and Renee are chatting about Ling and Renee. Renee says Ling is welcome to him, but is not convincing. Larry comes in and tells Ally that he was up against John Cage, and that he was a little odd. Ally smiles and walks away, and eventually admits that she told John to break Larry’s rhythm. The two argue and Larry suggests she is not the best person to give such advice as she has never beaten him herself, and could not do so. Ally asks if he is serious and Larry says "Never…no. Just…not…ever". Ally tells him that not only will she beat him, but that John will beat him with her help on this case. They bet another two hour foot rub.

In the office the next morning John is aghast that Ally has told Larry that she gave him some tips. He complains that he will have lost his edge, but when Ally tells him that Larry said he could never beat him, John rises to the bait, pike-like.

Nelle and Ling are discussing online dating, which Ling says appeals to her, but Nelle tells he she won’t get her hooked up online, because she is involved. Ling denies it. The lift opens and Larry exits walking in slow motion. Ling looks on bemused and then Larry, at normal speed, asks how he was. Ling is not amused.

John and Ally appear from John’s office and Larry suggests that he has just stopped by to pick up John. John suggests he is there to fiddle with his psychy, so Larry leaves.

Ling knocks on Jackson’s door and casually asks him if he feels like having lunch with her. He says he’d love to, but not today. He consults his diary and suggests next week sometime. Ling is not impressed, and stomps off.

In court Mr Stoller is on the stand. He says that he and his wife always talked about having children and cloning is his only option. Larry says that he is in fact replicating his ex-wife, who was against genetic modification of anything herself. John objects - "Not everything is like chicken Counsel".

In a recess John discusses the case with Ally who is upset that he is losing. John tells her he is not losing, but that he thinks that Larry has his number on this one. Ally tells him this has never happened before and that he has to go back to basics and find out what makes him great. John tells her he knows what made him great - HIM - Barry White, but that Melanie has scared him off. Ally tells him that he has to find him, whatever it takes.

John goes to the unisex to try and find Barry. He looks in the mirror and tries, but to no avail. Mark, who overheard the problem, enters but John asks him to leave. He tries again, but its no good.

In court John is examining the cloning specialist, who finds the whole procedure fascinating. Larry objects spuriously when he can. The expert admits that its a long shot, but that it is possible.

Jackson enters the unisex where Mark and Ling are preening themselves. Jackson says hi to them both, but Ling tells him to drop dead, and suggests that if he has anything to say that he should get his assistant to call hers, and that she doesn’t even see him in slow motion any more. Mark looks on awkwardly and then leaves. Jackson asks what is up, but she says she will fill him in over lunch sometime. Jackson checks the stalls and Richard emerges from one hitting Jackson on the head, and then goes to leave, but Ling grabs him and kisses him and points out that she has stubble on her legs. "Excellent" says Richard and leaves. Jackson wants to know what’s going on. Ling says she threw herself at him and he just blew her off. Asking him to lunch was apparently her throwing herself at him. She flounces out.

In his office John is still trying to find Barry. He tells his reflection that together they can beat Larry. He hears the intro to "My Everything" and starts to flap around his office like a pheasant on heat, but then spots Richard. The music stops. "He was here. Barry White came", explains John, to an obvious response from Richard. John says he has a concentration problem and cannot get Barry when others are present. "John lots of people have trouble dancing with make-believe disco Behemoths when others are present" Richard points out helpfully. Richard tells him to get him when he is alone and then step out with him.

Mr Stoller’s sister-in-law is on the stand with Larry examining. She starts on a tirade about cloning being wrong, when John hits a buzzer. He explains to the court that he has lost his voice and will therefore buzz his objections. She explains that Mrs Stoller would have been against the whole process (obviously no hearsay rules in the US).

Back at C&F Elaine wants to use Ally’s office for her first online date. She says she wants privacy. Ally reluctantly agrees. John emerges from the lift and Ally rushes over to find out what is happening in the trial. John says it will all come down to closings which are at 3pm, and that he is going in search of Barry White again and that he will have him by then. Larry then arrives saying that he couldn’t face walking all the way back to his office as his feet were aching. Ally says he needs a foot rub, but can’t help him. She returns to her office to find Elaine sprawled naked on her desk chatting on the internet "One thing lead to another," she explains.

In the unisex Ling is washing her hands when Jackson enters. She is hostile, but Jackson tries to explain that he didn’t mean to blow her off. As he talks to her he checks the stalls and again Richard appears hitting him with the door as he leaves. Ling explains that she is angry with him for lying to her and sleeping with him on their first date. Jackson suggests that they start again. Ling mellows, but still leaves. Larry enters and he and Jackson exchange unpleasantries as usual, but then they hear Barry White. John exits from one of the stalls and pushes them aside. He is dancing. Larry and Jackson admire him and join in - must have been fun to film….Ally enters and watches happily.

In court John closes. He admits cloning sounds horrifying, but that you need not be afraid of it. This is not an atrocity, but allows the couple to fulfil their wishes and dreams. Larry suggests that the question cannot be "Who wants the DNA?". John says it can, at length. Larry says that it is wrong to clone a human being. That this crosses the line. The judge decides that he cannot stop the new technology, but cloning a human being is wrong and he therefore grants the injunction. John apologises to his client. "I don’t want a rematch", says Larry and shakes John’s hand.

To the strains of Vanda’s version of "Only You", Jackson meets Ling for the "first time". They dance. Larry enjoys his foot rub for the second week running. Outside the bar (did you know its called the Martini Bar?) Richard and John decide not to go in. Richard explains that he is actually slightly jealous of John’s Barry White thing. John invites him to walk with him and Barry, so they do.

The Obstacle Course (21/11/01)

Its the middle of the night at Ally & Renee’s flat. Larry comes to the fridge for a drink and then Jackson appears for the same purpose, wearing nothing but his boxers. They exchange unpleasant pleasantries and then Larry pretends to tighten his chest muscles telling Jackson that he likes to work on his posture. Jackson asks if he is making fun of him, but Larry assures him he is not. He suggests he admires Jackson’s posture and that he wants to learn to walk like him - he swaggers up and down as if he has a pole up his rear. Ally appears and asks what is going on. Jackson suggests that Larry is trying to look like him, but Larry denies this. Ally is about to tell them to cut out the nonsense when she spots Jackson’s physique and slips into wet fantasy mode. Larry clocks her look and drags her back to bed.

At the breakfast meeting Richard mentions Moore v McGrath which is a trial starting today. He gives it to Ally, but she is not happy. Its a woman who is suing a man she met on the internet for fraud. Jackson has a client called Michael Puttnick who is being sued for emotional distress. Jackson asks for back-up and gets Ling. Elaine comes in and tells John that Cassandra Lewis is here for him (Cassandra from LA for the short of memory amongst you).

John leaves the meeting and goes into his office to meet Cassandra. She explains that she just came to see him, but he seems unsure. She says she is there to pursue him, and that she thought she’d at least get lunch. So he reluctantly invites her to lunch.

At court Larry bumps into Ally. His client is suing for a bad date. Ally tells him that she is representing the defendant. Ally tells Larry that he’ll never win and they take on a bet of a two hour foot rub for the winner. Ally tells him that he cannot sue someone for fraud just because you don’t like how he looks. At that point her client appears - Douglas McGrath - but he’s only 3 foot tall.

In conference Ling and Jackson are with their client listening to "the not com….fortable" attorney’s client who tells them that she was horrified when Mr Puttnick stood up and objected at her wedding. She says it ruined the ceremony. "I am damaged", she screams. Ling meanwhile applies her make-up.

John seeks Richard’s advice on Cassandra. He is worried about her pursuing him, which upsets him. Cassandra enters and John screams. She says she shouldn’t have come, but John kicks Richard out and then tries to explain that he is drawn to her, but that he feels there should be some period of mourning after his break-up with Melanie. She reminds him that life is short. He agrees to take her to lunch.

Miss Moore is on the stand explaining her online relationship with Mr McGrath to Larry. She says appearances weren’t important, but she had no idea he was a little person. He didn’t tell her. As a result she suffered physically and emotionally as she had been in love with him. Ally crosses and Miss Moore confirms that she loved everything about him, but just couldn’t cope when she found out that he was little.

In a recess Ally advises Mr McG that they are willing to drop the case for $10,000. She advises settlement but he says no. He refuses to admit that he is a freak and says that whatever happens he plans to walk out of the court with his head held high.

In the settlement meeting Michael Puttnick explains why he objected. He hadn’t planned it. But he knew that he loved her and she loved him. The couple argue. Michael says that you only get one chance at love and that she is "the one" for him. Ling and Jackson exchange meaningful looks.

John and Cassandra are at lunch. She explains that she keeps thinking about him. John says that the 3,000 mile distance would be a problem, but Cassandra doesn’t think so.

Douglas McGrath is on the stand and he explains that he did not tell her about his height as she claimed appearance wasn’t important. Then he decided to get to know her before she found out. He planned to tell her, but he was afraid that she wouldn’t come. He hoped that if she spent time with him that she could get over the problem. Larry crosses. Douglas admits that he was afraid that she wouldn’t fall in love with him if she had known his full size.

That evening Ally tells Larry off for beating up her client. He says he wasn’t tough on him and that she is just angry. She denies she is angry and says she just can’t believe that he thinks his client’s case has any merit. She asks if he would love her if she was 3 feet tall. He counters by asking if they would actually be standing here if he had been 3 feet tall. Ally tells him that she is not big on looks. Larry asks if someone who is not big on looks would mark "903 more days to my first face lift". Ally is not impressed and even less so when Larry goes down on his knees. She tells him that she will not sleep with him tonight.

Ally and Douglas emerge from the C&F lift. Ling points out the midget to Nelle. Ally tells her that her grandfather once told her that you could measure the dignity in a person by their ability to see the dignity in others. Ling says she doesn’t get it. Ally walks off. Nelle tells Ling that she is having an online relationship. Ling asks her if she is crazy as looks are everything (why did she ever go out with Richrard then?). Nelle says that she doesn’t like sex so it works out well. Jackson appears and tells Ling that he is going to try and settle their case and then asks to see her for a second. They go into Ling’s office and Jackson tells her that he is in love with her. He tells her that she is his one. Ling tells him that she doesn’t feel for him like she did the night they made love, but Jackson says he doesn’t believe her. She leaves.

Richard and John are in his hole in the wall discussing Cassandra. John tells him that he walked her back to her hotel after lunch. John cannot understand his attraction to women, but Richard explains that he is a rich powerful sensitive man, like him. John suggests that the age gap, the geography and Melanie are problems, but Richard shoots them all down with his pearls of Fish wisdom. He tells him that he should go for Cassandra, but that if he doesn’t want her he wants to have a shot. John tells him no. Richard says he’ll just ask her to dance and let it be her decision.

In court Ally and Larry close. Larry tells the jury that "you don’t get to defraud people just because you are short." Jackson meanwhile has settled his case and tells Ling. She acts off-hand. Jackson says he is confused, but refuses to apologise for what he told her earlier, and leaves. Nelle enters and asks if there is anything going on with Ling and Jackson. Ling says no, but admits she lost control when she went to bed with him. Nelle tells her that is no good reason not to pursue him.

In the bar Vanda is knocking out another tune. Renee tells Ally that she thinks Jackson has gone off her. Richard tries chatting up Cassandra and tells her that John said it was OK for him to "go for it". John appears and asks what he missed. Cassandra promptly decks him and leaves.

In Ally’s flat Renee tells her that she and Jackson have split as he still loves Ling. Ally asks Larry to beat up Jackson for her. Renee pretends she is not hurt, but tells Ally to stay out of it.

John comes to see Cassandra complete with black eye. He tells her that he did not give Richard a green light to go after her. She tells him to leave. John tells her he is attracted to her and Cassandra tells him that she never came for any great relationship. She asks him to help her take her luggage to her car.

Meanwhile Ling is storming round the office. She bumps into Richard in the unisex. She asks if he misses her and he admits he does. She asks if Jackson bothers him and he says a little, but that they are "emotional guppies. Eventually we will always reunite in the shallow end of the pool", and leaves.

In court the jury find in favour of Miss Moore and order damages of $70,000. Ally apologises and tells Douglas that he will find somebody. He thanks Ally and walks out with his head held high like he said he would.

John tells Cassandra that he is glad she came, but he is confounded. He tells her that he is not ready. She says that’s OK and they kiss. She then leaves and Vanda warbles "Goodbye to Love". Ling watches Jackson. Larry enjoys his footrub. Renee watches them alone again. Nelle is on the internet. Douglas walks the streets head still high, and Cassandra stares into space as John wanders.

The Pursuit of Unhappiness (14/11/01)

Ally and Larry are walking home when they see Elaine getting out of a cab, but she is not with Mark. They try to think the best of her, but she kisses the man passionately and then drags him indoors.

Next day at the office breakfast meeting Richard welcomes himself and John back. Nelle asks if they found what they were looking for and a slouching John responds with "Yes. People with warmth. It was a culture shock you snippy-arsed popsicle". Ally reprimands him but he says that she started it by calling him an imbecile. Ally points out that she didn’t actually say that, but John says she implied it and that as Senior Partner he does not have to take it. Richard moves on to allocate Gilbert Green to Jackson for a Will as he is getting married and advises a pre-nuptial agreement as he is "rich, fat and bald". Next is Ling’s case of Thompson v Thompson Shipping. The son is trying to get the father who runs the business declared incompetent on the basis that he is happy. This sets John off again who says that "Being happy makes one incompetent now. That is bloody rich." The others just turn and stare at him.

After the meeting Ally tracks down Elaine and takes her into her office. Ally asks how she and Mark are doing. Elaine says they are fine and still seeing each other. Ally tells Elaine what she saw the night before. Elaine asks if she owes Ally an explanation of her personal life, and Ally admits she doesn’t, but she really wants to know, so Elaine tells her - that she slipped. He was an old flame from a dating agency. They had dinner and then he kissed her goodnight at her door and then she slipped. Ally asks if she made love to him and Elaine says "a little".

John meanwhile apologises to Nelle for his outburst. He tells her that he thinks that he is just missing Melanie. Nelle says she understands and offers to help, but then adds sarcastically "Poop" (can you say "Poop" sarcastically?) and walks off.

Jackson is discussing the legal situation with Gilbert Green and his bride-to-be. He asks Gilbert if there is anything specific he requires in the Will, but he has no special requests. Jackson palms bride-to-be Julie off on Ally and takes Gilbert to his office for a chat about the pre-nup.

In court Thompson Junior is on the stand. He explains that his father built the company through hard work and his toughness, but that one day he was struck in the head at the dock and that it changed him. He became nice. He is happy all the time. He has lost his business edge. As a result the company is struggling and may fold. Apparently he could be cured by a simple operation, but he doesn’t want it. Ling cross-examines him and establishes that he can look after himself and even is his wife, who is ill. Bottom line say the claimants is that he is just too happy to be a good CEO.

Back at C&F Jackson is trying to convince Gilbert Green that he really ought to have a pre-nup. He is not keen, but Jackson sweet-talks him into it. Meanwhile Ally is finishing with Julie. Elaine approaches her and asks her if she would mind if she puts a large bouquet of flowers she is holding in her office as "they need the light". Mark passes by and comments on the flowers, which Elaine says were sent by Larry, at which point he too arrives on the scene, rather bemused, having not sent them.

Jackson and Gilbert reappear and Jackson explains to Julie that he has been convincing Gilbert that he and Julie should have a pre-nup. Julie is not fussed, but Ally is hesitant and points out that as there are two separate parties that Julie should be separately advised. She pulls in Larry who is standing in the background. Jackson is not a happy bunny. Gilbert and Julie leave and Ally explains that she was just trying to ensure that everything was done properly.

Jackson explains the Gilbert situation to Richard, who challenges Ally. "What’s all this about ethics? Ethics have no place in a law firm". Ally meanwhile confronts Elaine and suggests she comes in and waters the flowers that Ally got from Larry. Elaine explains that she called her lover and told him that she couldn’t see him again. Unfortunately Mark appears again at this point and asks "See who? The man you had dinner with last night" Elaine denies it, saying she was with Ally. They both slope off with pretend stomach cramps.

In court Thompson Senior is explaining his view point to Ling. He says there is more to running a business than making money. Perhaps in time the business will make money as the employees are so happy. Junior’s counsel asks him "Your business is failing. You have lost almost a millionaire dollars. Your son is turning on you. And your wife has cancer. But life is grand?" He confirms it is.

Larry and Jackson are discussing the proposed pre-nup in good lawyerly fashion. Larry says that she gets nothing out of it and advises Jackson that she won’t sign it and pushes it back to Jackson. He pushes it back asking if she has a problem with it. "She will when her lawyer tells her too", he replies as he pushes it back. "Larry", says Jackson, "Jackson" says Larry. The two are uncomfortable with each other.

In Ally’s office Ally asks Elaine how she could have put her in that position. Elaine explains that she is a bad liar, but that if Ally says they were together that would be an end to it. Ally says she just can’t lie. Elaine tells Ally that in that case she is going to tell Mark the truth, but Ally stops her and tells her that she has to lie. If that’s OK then why can’t Ally lie for her? reasons Elaine.

In court Mrs Thompson is giving evidence. She loves her husband the way he is. Mr Thompson stands and asks if he can approach the bench. The judge asks why and he says that he’d like to kiss his wife. The judge denies his request, so he simply blows her a kiss. On cross examination she refuses to admit that he is not the man she married. He is just kinder.

That evening Jackson calls to collect Renee. She shows him into the flat where Ally and Larry are preparing supper. Jackson and Larry exchange pleasantries, well in fact just names, but with an edge. Ally asks what she is missing and Larry explains that Jackson wanted him to commit malpractice by getting his client to sign a ludicrous pre-nup. Jackson responds that what is ludicrous is that his client even cares. Marriage is about love, not money. Ally butts in and suggests that Jackson was a little dicey suggesting that Julie just sign the agreement. Jackson’s hackles are raised and tells Ally he has no time for her issues, including kissing him, getting into bed with him and touching his "privates". Ally explains that she thought it was the remote. Jackson and Renee leave and Larry says "so you kissed him, got into bed with him and grabbed his remote" before taking a whack at some lettuce with his kitchen knife.

Ling is in conference with Mr T Senior and Mrs T. She warns that they may lose and they should try and settle. She says she will set up a meeting for the next morning. As they leave Mr T politely asks Mrs T to dinner and she graciously accepts.

In the unisex Gilbert Green is blowing his nose and wiping his eyes. John emerges from one of the stalls. "I’m a big fat fool" says Gilbert. "And I’m bald". John is non-committal and Gilbert goes on to say that he sees John is not especially attractive. John thinks for a minute and then thinks that Nelle has put Gilbert up to this and tries to put him down. Gilbert carries on regardless telling John that his mother said that no-one would love him if he stayed fat. So he became rich and women do want him but only for his money. John can’t give him much comfort.

Next morning Richard stalks Jackson as he exits the lift and tells him that Gilbert is getting a little worried. Jackson tells him that they have another meeting today. Elaine tells Ally that she started to tell Mark the truth, but stopped. Ling and Nelle discuss the terrible prospect of going through life happy.

The Thompsons and their lawyers are in conference, but they still cannot settle. He stays as CEO, but has no control, is the offer. His son gives him some projections of where the company will be if they don’t do something. But Thompson Senior refuses to accept the premise on which they are based. He argues that they do not take account of the "happy worker factor". Just then his son takes a call on his mobile. He sits down quietly and hangs up. He tells his Dad that "Mum passed away". For the first time Thompson Senior frowns.

In the unisex Richard is straightening his tie when Thompson Senior comes into the room. He explains to Richard that he is losing his case and his wife has died, but still he smiles. He tells him that he lived for her, and now she is dead.

Mark approaches Ally and Elaine and asks if Ally has a second. Elaine says she that Ally is free and Mark whisks her off to talk with her. He says that he has got an odd feeling and Ally tries to leave it at that, but Mark persists in trying to share it with her. He explains that he doesn’t believe Elaine was with her two nights ago. Ally avoids answering the question, but then eventually says that she and Elaine were having dinner together with a college friend. Elaine is listening at the door and bursts in to say that it is a lie. She explains what happened and apologises. Mark walks away without a word.

Gilbert, Julie, Jackson and Larry are in conference. Larry and Jackson end up squaring up against each other, ignoring their respective clients. Larry proposes a one year pre-nup, but Jackson turns it down flat. Gilbert leaves hurt that Julie is making money an issue.

Elaine goes in to see Richard. Mark has gone for a walk. Elaine says that Richard has cheated a lot in his life and she’d like to know what she can do to make amends. Richard shares his wisdom and logically concludes that she only slept with this other man to make Mark jealous and cement her bond with him. Also in Richard’s warped mind it somehow shows that she wants to have Mark’s child. Elaine says she doesn’t think he’ll go for that. "I’ve given you my wisdom Elaine. What you choose to do with it is your decision…." says Richard.

Ling and Nelle are waiting outside Ling’s office where Thompson Senior has been sitting for an hour. Eventually Ling goes in. He asks Ling for a continuance on the suit as he is going in for surgery at 4 o’clock to remedy his problem. He explains that he loved his wife more than anything in the world but he cannot cry. He needs to grieve. He admits he was unhappy before, but he’s willing to go back to that so that he can cry for his wife.

That afternoon Mr T is in hospital waiting for his op. Ling is there with him and he thanks her for her concern. He sings as they take him off to the Operating Theatre.

At the office Elaine goes in to see Mark. She tries to explain her infidelity, by saying that their relationship is not that stable. She suggests they are just biding time with each other. He says nothing, but she suggests that they should just quit. She turns and leaves.

In the unisex Gilbert tells John that the wedding is off as Julie is a gold-digger. Julie emerges from one of the stalls. John tries to mediate but then Jackson appears. John tells him that he and Larry are the problem. Elaine enters and asks them all to go and talk about love elsewhere, or she’ll be sick. John tells Gilbert and Julie that they shouldn’t let lawyers come between them. They are in the business of divorce. Gilbert and Julie both admit they love each other, as Elaine vomits in the background (sound only fortunately). They hug.

In the hospital Thompson Junior discusses the situation with Ling. He tells her that his Dad is now hit by what has happened to his Mum. Ling goes in to see him. He is grumpy and tells her that he doesn’t really want any visitors. A nurse comes in and asks him if he wants to get up, but he declines rudely. Ling leaves him and he sits looking at a picture of his wife.

That has to be a cue for Vanda to sing ("Somewhere out there" as it happens). In the bar Jackson and Renee dance, as do Gilbert and Julie. Larry comes in and asks Ally to dance telling her that he has just bought a sofa, which they could sit on and watch tv and she could play with the remote. Ling and Nelle sit at the bar and watch. Its Elaine’s turn to walk the streets this week. Mr T Senior walks with his zimmer and cries.

The Getaway (07/11/01)

John is working in his office, when Richard comes in. John is not happy to see him. Richard tells him that he and Ling are estranged. John mellows. Richard says that she is tempted by Jackson, and that he can only hope that she looks at both of them and realises Richard has more money. Richard produces two plane tickets to LA for them both to have a vacation. John is underwhelmed.

At the breakfast meeting next morning Richard informs the crew that he and John are going on vacation to LA. John arrives resplendent in tasteless shirt and trousers and looking every inch the tourist. Richard announces that Ally will be the Senior Partner pro tem. Ally is flabbergasted, Nelle and Ling peeved.

At the airport they are late as John has been getting suntan cream with a Sun Factor of 100. They push to the front of the check-in carrying a baby carrier complete with apparently screaming baby. On the plane Richard shoves the baby carrier into the overhead locker. It starts to cry and John turns it off with his remote. As the plane taxis to the runway a rather large gentleman takes the window seat next to Richard. He is a nervous flyer. The stewardess is about to make an announcement when Richard springs to his feet and orders Bloody Marys for all the passengers in First Class. He then starts on a diatribe about plane crashes, cost cutting airlines and young pilots, but tells the passengers not to worry as he and John are lawyers and can make Wills for any that need them. The big man squirms anxiously and then farts. The stewardess tells Richard that she is getting the captain.

The plane takes off and then we see Ally in the office on the phone to John. The captain has apparently ordered Richard not to speak for the entire flight. Mark confirms that the captain has authority to do that. On the plane Richard is whispering loudly to John, and the big man continues to fart. "Fifteen hundred bucks to sit in the horn section," says Richard. John tries to call Ally again, but the plane hits some turbulence and the big man lets out another even bigger emission. That’s it for Richard and he pulls down the overhead oxygen mask. The stewardess tells him he cannot do that but he tells her to go away. She warns him that she will get the pilot, but he says "What are you going to do?"

Trouble is that as the plane lands Richard is bundled unceremoniously into a police car. John goes with him. Richard is hauled up before the judge for obstruction of justice and assault charges. The tourist-clad John defends him and applies for the charges to be dismissed with a fluent if rather wordy address. The judge puts it into a nutshell by asking prosecuting counsel if they are here because Richard talked about plane crashes and pulled down an oxygen mask. Counsel admits that is about the crux of it. The judge decides to dismiss the case and as Richard rises to make a brief statement John pushes him back into his seat.

Richard and John cruise LA standing through the sunroof of their limo. At the hotel Richard suggests they should get themselves some action. John enters wearing hideous matching sun shirt and bermuda shorts, complete with vest, sun visor and white socks. He is not sure that it is right for them to be trying to meet women. Richard suggests that that is why God created women, to relieve men’s hardship (literally). "We’re in LA" says John doubtfully, but then stronger and then with a waggle of the hips. "Play that Funky Music" chimes in, as they make their way to the pool. As they walk round a blonde nymphet walks out of the pool in slowmo (clever trick that). The boys are smitten.

She takes to a lounger and the boys saunter round to sit next to her, Richard making sure that he is the closest. Richard tells her he couldn’t get any lotion on his back and accepts of course, when she offers to apply it. Richard introduces himself to Jane. He spins her a line about her being an actress (which she is) and offers to show her his suite. To his surprise she readily agrees and they leave together. John tries putting some lotion on his legs and splats it everywhere. He introduces himself to a redheaded woman sitting behind him, but she just cries.

Up in Richard’s room Jane has developed a sarong (large bum syndrome?) and Richard dances the hussle. They start to hussle together when the door bursts open. Its the police. Richard is arrested for solicitation as Ally finds out on the phone back at C&F. Richard has called her to track down John for him.

John is in conversation with his redhead, Cassandra. She tells him that under a pre-nuptial agreement, because she had an affair, she has forfeited all alimony or community property except for $100,000. John is intrigued. She says that she is not that hung up about the money, but that she is faced with losing her art studio. Plus her affair was set up by her husband so that she would lose out under the prenup - all the lawyers at home immediately nod wisely and mutter "clean hands" (see later). They are interrupted as John is advised that Richard needs him to call him on his cellphone.

In a prison cell John questions Richard about what has happened. Transpires Jane was a callgirl. The arraignment is tomorrow and John says he will deal with it. He goes to talk to Jane, who explains that she thought he was her date. She tells him that she is not a prostitute, but that she works for an escort service. John agrees to represent her if she’ll rat on her pimp, but it turns out her pimp is actually her agent. John still agrees to represent her on the basis that she will say there was no agreement for sex and no exchange of money (Isn’t that what any callgirl would say?).

That evening John is having a drink with Cassandra. John says he thinks he can beat the charges for both Richard and Jane. John suggests that he may be able to challenge her pre-nup for her on the basis of civil entrapment. "I’d be happy to take a whack at you" he says in error. "Are you a good lover..perkip…lawyer?" she responds quickly. He smiles at her. He tells her he is very good and she agrees for him to take a "whack at ……it". His nose whistles.

In court John represents Richard and Jane. She was not working for an illegal enterprise. There is no evidence of any deal. John reels off a list of unanswered questions and the judge dismisses the charges against them both. Jane apologises to Richard and thanks John and then offers them a bit of LA culture.

They are all on rollerblades on the prom (probably not what they call in in the US), and then wall climbing and then on the dodgems. As they sit and have a drink Jane tells Richard that she thought he was funny, but that she was not about to sleep with him. John tells her she needs to leave her agent and they hatch a plan to get her out of her exclusive contract. She agrees to dance with Richard again.

John and Cassandra are in a settlement conference with her ex and her lawyer. Her lawyer pompously points out that she is bound by the agreement, and gives John a lecture on baseless prosecutions and, at length, tells him that he has walked into a den of conscience, and that he is a man of principle. He ends with "shame". John slowly pours himself a glass of water, and then responds quickly and at length, indicating that Cassandra’s husband has broken the couples trust through his own infidelity and by employing someone to seduce his wife. "That is unclean hands [aha!! shout the lawyers in the audience]" says John. "One with unclean hands cannot take advantage of a situation rendered by those hands". John says he will break the agreement and he will get Cassandra’s husband, because its in his baseless little character.

Anastasia sings in an LA bar, where Richard and Jane dance. They decide to hussle on the dancefloor and soon the whole bar are following them - Richard is NOT a natural.

Cassandra and John are sitting on his balcony having a drink. Cassandra explains that she should not have had an affair, but that he was a kind and gentle man. John admits he loved Melanie, and Cassandra says she thanks her for driving him to LA and to her. She asks John to dance with her. They dance.

Richard is learning to scuba dive with Jane in the hotel pool. John sits on the bottom, cross-legged, thinking. At the reconvened settlement meeting Cassandra comments on his cold blue lips. She warms them up with a kiss. Cassandra’s ex’s lawyer comes in and offers her $3 million. John agrees to discuss it with his client. She is shocked. John explains that she may be entitled to upwards of $7 million, but she’s happy with the $3 million. He tells her to get up and walk out in a rage, in an act, so that he can try and negotiate for more. John sits with his head in his hands as her ex’s lawyer returns.

At Jane’s agent’s office Richard talks Jane out of her agreement with him. Frankie agrees to let her go.

Back at the hotel Richard congratulates John on getting Cassandra $4.2 million. Jane comes by to say goodbye and thank you again. John excuses himself. Jane asks Richard to stay for one more day, but he says that he would be afraid to stay. In true Fish style he asks to take one more picture of her before he goes - naked. She tells him if he wants to see her naked he’ll have to stay a few more days. Richard declines gracefully. She walks him and John to their car. Cassandra comes into the lobby to say goodbye too. She gives John a painting from her studio called "Gentle Soul". She takes John to one side and thanks him, mainly for the hope. She kisses him goodbye. Richard and Jane hug. The two girls are left as the limo drives away. The boys sit long-faced in the car.

Falling Up (31/10/01)

Ally is on a plane to Detroit, sitting next to a nun, who spots that’s she’s very excited and comments that she must have a man there. When Ally tells her that she hasn’t seen him in 6 weeks, she says that she imagines he’ll be quite frisky. Ally is rather taken aback. She suggests he’ll be picking out his condom as they speak, or perhaps Ally is on the pill. She continues in this vein without allowing Ally to get a word in edgeways. Ally excuses herself to go to the loo, but the nun suggests she is going to put her diaphragm in. She warns her it will ride up during the 3 hour flight. Ally walks down the plane and opens the wrong door and flies out of the plane…..she wakes with a start in her own bed. She gets out of bed and goes to climb into Renee’s bed. She snuggles up….. but its next to Jackson Duper. They both wake, scream and jump out of bed (Jackson naked), as Renee returns to the room and also screams. Ally tries to explain, but then can’t help noticing Jackson’s (presumably sizeable) manhood. Renee throws her out of the room.

Next morning Renee is contrite about having slept with Jackson on her first date. She says that he was leaving when they kissed and then her hand "kinda slid down a little". Then his slid down and then they started grabbing….Ally asks where he is now, but Renee says that he has already left as he had an early morning. They agree its a bad sign. Renee admits she likes the guy and is concerned that she has blown it (not literally you understand).

At the breakfast meeting Richard mentions Bennett v Clapp. Its another annulment case which John is handling. Mr B married Miss C and they wanted children, but after the marriage she changed her mind. Nelle rants about the "joys" of raising children and Mark asks why they don’t just divorce. John explains that it would be a blemish, and against God. Richard asks if he is rich and John responds "Filthy. Annulment would be the right result". "It would be different if they had a child", says Richard, but Ally hears and sees Larry. She stands and hugs him, but its just an illusion. She thumps Richard and storms out. She tries to take the lift to go and get some fresh air, but falls down the liftshaft.

Next we see Ally with a new therapist. She is brusque with single word questions about Ally and Larry. She advises Ally to end the relationship with Larry. It is a dead end. That’s it. End the relationship she keeps telling Ally.

John’s client, Mr Bennett, is on the stand. He is giving evidence that even before the wedding he and his wife-to-be were discussing names for the 4 children they were going to have. Everything changed when she decided that she no longer wanted children.

Ally and Renee are waiting in their flat by their mobile phones for Larry and Jackson to call. Ally asks Renee if maybe the therapist was right, and that she should at least date other people. A bell rings and they both reach for their phones, but it is the front door bell. "He’s come back to surprise you", says Renee. Ally opens the door and sees Larry. She kisses him passionately, but it turns out to be Jackson. "You got issues", he tells Ally.

Jackson tells Renee that he is embarrassed about sleeping with her on their first date. They convince themselves that because they slept with each other that they must not want each other. Jackson is about to leave when Ally intervenes. She tells Jackson to kiss her like a gentleman and then leave. Then he must call her tomorrow and make dinner plans.

Mr Bennett is crossed-examined by the pipsqueak attorney, who continually uses the phrase "court of law". John finally objects. Mr Bennett admits that his wife may have changed her mind about having children after the ceremony. John returns to his office and is "troubled" - pacing the room. Melanie is there. He tells her the pipsqueak is an objectionable little man who makes good points. John tells Melanie that he cannot believe a woman would suddenly decide not to have children. "Isn’t that the essence of getting married?" he asks rhetorically. But Melanie disagrees. She tells John that she does not want to have children. John thinks she is joking, but then realises she isn’t. He is upset by this revelation.

Ally is walking along the street with her head down and bumps into Richard. He asks what is wrong and offers to talk things over with her. She takes him up on the offer and tells him that she feels lucky to have Larry, but that she has her weak days. Richard tells her about the therapist that he and John went to see, but she is not interested. Richard tells her that he is effective and hands her his card.

Jackson is in the unisex when Ling enters. She comments on his new tie and he tells her that he has a big date tonight. Ling is suddenly interested. She tells Jackson that Renee is a great woman.

In court the pipsqueak is examining his witness, Miss Clapp. She says that she changed her mind because the world is overpopulated, and that she just didn‘t feel equipped to raise them. She admits that she is selfish. John crosses and she admits that they planned to have children, but that she changed her mind after the wedding. She says that she didn’t dupe him. Melanie comes into the back of the court and "pipsqueaks" herself when John tells the witness that any woman who does not want to have children has no business being a mother. John and Melanie exchange glares and then "tick" together.

Ally is with John and Richard’s therapist. She tells him that she understands the falling out of the aeroplane and the liftshaft, but can’t work out the nun. She thinks maybe she is there to judge her. He tells her that she wants to marry Larry Paul and have his children. She asks why she fell out of the plane. He tells her that its because she knows it will never happen. He commends her on her insight.

John is closing in the annulment case. Melanie is still there and continues to tick at inconvenient moments. John suggests that children are central to marriage, but the pipsqueak suggests that marriage is about a commitment between two people and that his client sticks by that commitment.

Back at the office Ling and John are both stomping around in moods. John bumps into Melanie in his office (those poor children is she ever at school?). They argue over her interrupting him and their differing views on children. She fakes a Terrett’s outburst and he calls her a stutterhead. She mocks his "You..you..you…stutter…stutterhead" delivery. John suggests that childhood is magical and that her problem is because she did not have a happy childhood. She comes back by saying that he should look forward and not back. John responds by saying that he is looking forward, but to a future with a woman who does not believe in marriage and does not want to have children.."and it looks rather bleak". Maybe that is the end. Melanie leaves in a huff and John is left rotating on his chair.

In the bar "Since you been gone" is being sung. Richard explains to Ally that it is Motown Night.."as in Detroit, home of the Tigers, Lions, Larrys". Ally is unamused. Elaine tells the group that Renee and Jackson are coming on next and that people say if they are singing together they are sleeping together. Ling gives her the look. John joins the group and asks Ally if he can speak with her. They go outside and John asks her a personal question. "At some point you want to have children right?" Ally immediately thinks he is talking about her and Larry and gives the startled John a broadside about her situation. John tells her that he is talking about himself and Melanie. Ally tries to smooth the situation over between him and Melanie. She tells him that maybe she will come around. She tells him not to give up on her. John agrees to go and think. "By the way," he adds, "I never for a second thought he wouldn’t come back. A man knows what he has."

Ally returns to the bar where Renee and Jackson are singing a duet - "Till you come back". Elaine says they are "totally doing it". Ling tells her to shut up. Elaine sweats and tells Mark she wants to be hot like them. Ling looks on, stoney-faced. Even Richard thinks they must be biblical. Ling can’t take it any more and leaves.

That night Ally is in bed thinking. She gets up and opens the fridge that has Larry’s snowman in it. She gets up and goes into Renee’s room where Jackson is in bed with Renee. The tv is on. The remote is on the bed and as Ally reaches for it Jackson rolls over on to her hand. He wakes as she removes her hand from his crotch. Ally tries to explain. She admits she was watching them as it was nice.

Next day in court the jury decide not to annul the marriage. John apologises to Mr Bennett. Melanie is there again (!!) and she tells John that she didn’t sleep much last night. John asks her to go back to the office with him. In the Hole in the Wall they discuss their issues. John says she really understands children, and he doesn’t believe she doesn’t want them. He thinks she has just not found the right man yet. In typical fashion he says "This is about me…evidently." Melanie says that he may be the one, but even if he is she would walk away. She admits she was married before and walked away. Its what she does. She doesn’t believe in forever. She says that she will go one day. John quietly says that maybe it should be today. Melanie can’t respond. He holds her hand.

In the bar Elaine sings "What I did for love". Mark is on backing vocals (without singing). Ally wanders the streets and gets home to find the snowman in the middle of the lounge. "You stuck me in a freezer" it says in Larry’s voice. Larry is there in person. He tells her he is back and when she asks for how long, he tells her forever. He wants to move in with her. She says that she couldn’t take it if he left again, and he tells her he is not planning to. They kissssssssss….

Renee and Jackson dine, Ling broods, John strokes his forehead, Elaine and Mark dance raunchily, Ally and Larry kisssssssss, Melanie wanders in the street in the snow, as Vanda sings "For Once in my Life".

Boys Town (24/10/01)

Ling is working late (reading catalogues) when Richard comes in to see her and asks if she wants to play catch. He tells her he’s been feeling a little disconnected recently and this helps. She is not impressed. John comes in and spots the glove which he claims is his. They argue and fight like kids in the playground over the glove. Jackson enters and wants to know what is going on. Richard tells him its a partnership matter and they carry on fighting as they leave the office.

Next morning Ling exits the lift wrapped up in fur. She hates the cold. Elaine bumps into Jackson and sweats profusely. Mark asks after her health.

At the breakfast meeting Jackson tells them that he is acting for Gloria Allbright, senior partner in a law firm, who has fired all her male attorneys. She is being sued by one of them for sexual discrimination. Ally tells them that Renee is on the other side. Jackson asks if she is any good and Richard helpfully says that she is pretty smart. "Do you like big knockers?" he asks. "I meant as a lawyer " says Jackson. Jackson asks for assistance. He asks for Ling, but Richard tries to avoid it, upsetting the already sulking John in the process.

John leaves the meeting and goes to his Hole in the Wall, where, to his surprise, he finds Melanie. She’s been waiting to talk to him as she knows that something has been troubling him. He confides that it is Richard and that he hates him. He bitches about all the little things that Richard does to try and impose his seniority. "I’m filled with rancour" he concludes. Melanie suggests couples’ therapy for him and Richard. She just happens to know a therapist who helped her and her former boyfriend. John is quick to point out that she backed up over her former boyfriend in a truck.

In court Mr Mackey, a male attorney with Miss Allbright’s firm, gives evidence that he was dismissed as his boss was sacking all the male attorneys so "the place could be free of all sexual currents". Jackson crosses and asks Mr Mackey how many times a day he thinks about sex. He cannot answer and Jackson asks if he has fantasised about making love to his client. Renee objects and asks where this is going. Jackson turns to her and tells her that he will show her if she will just let him finish. She swoons back at him. Mr Mackey finally admits that he has fantasised about Miss Allbright, and then goes on to admit that he also fantasised about Renee. Jackson gets Ling to stand up and asks if he would fantasise about her if he worked with her. He tries to avoid the question but his lustful looks say it all.

Elaine is in with Ally telling her that Mark is upset with her, but that she does not know why. Ally asks if she has asked him, but she says no, as they end up arguing and then she ends up taking her clothes off. Eventually Elaine asks Ally to stay out of it. Ally is more than happy to oblige.

Ling storms out of the court angry with Jackson for using her as a prop. Jackson tries to justify his use of Ling, but then Renee storms into the room also indignant at Jackson’s behaviour in court. Jackson apologises with some smooth talking and Renee backs down. Then the chunky female judge enters, slamming the door behind her. "Can I step out of my robe for a second?" she asks. "I’d vomit" says Ling under her breath. The judge advises Jackson that singling out one of the female players in the court she could live with, but when he singled out all the female players except her, she is upset. Not only is it bad lawyering (is there really such a verb?), but he is alienating the judge.

John and Melanie have gone to see Richard to suggest therapy, but he is not keen. He doesn’t think its right for men to share feelings. His father had been into handshakes and stiff upper lips. He had never told Richard he loved him, instead he’d simply say "Mumboket".

Mark breezes passed Elaine in reception and then returns to tell her that he doesn’t think it is working out between them. She asks if he means they should talk about things or are they done. After a momentary pause Mark says "We’re done" and walks off. Ally, who has been listening at her door rushes out after him to the unisex and tells him that he should not end a relationship like that. He asks if he should have moved to Detroit. Ally tells him that he has been cruel to Elaine and to her and leaves. Richard enters the unisex and asks Mark if he thinks couples who argue should just rush off to counselling, but Mark tells him to mind his own business. Elaine enters and Richard asks her the same thing, which she too takes the wrong way.

Gloria Allbright is on the stand and tells the court that she has nothing against men, but that she sacked all her male employees as they think about sex all the time, whereas women do not. On cross examination she says that she thinks women are smarter and make better lawyers then men, as they are more inclined to settle rather than litigate. Renee suggests that she does hate men because of her failed marriage.

At C&F John is in his office playing the bagpipes - a sure sign that he is upset (and musically challenged - Barry Manilow we can forgive….just, but bagpipes…). Richard goes in to try and talk with him. John plays him " a song" he wrote for him - noise would be a better description. "It captures you" says John. "OK lets get therapy", says Richard.

That evening Jackson and Ling are back in the office in conference with Gloria Allbright, suggesting that she settles with Mr Mackey for $50,000. Her revelation about her ex has not helped her case suggests Ling. But Gloria is not to be moved. Ling makes to leave and Jackson invites her to dinner. She hesitates before turning him down, and they both agree it wouldn’t be a good idea, but say how good it is to work with each other.

John and Richard are with their Liberace lookalike therapist. He asks Richard to go first, but John jumps in to say that Richard’s needs are always prioritised over his. Richard and John bicker loudly.

In the unisex Mark is studying his derrier in the mirror, when Ally exits one of the stalls. He stops quickly. Mark tells Ally that he used to have a great arse, but now he feels threatened by Jackson Duper. He doesn’t think that women should lust after men.

In court Renee is closing for Mr Mackey telling the jury that Gloria Allbright is clearly gender-biased. Jackson offers the jury a tip. Men always ask "Would I or wouldn’t I?" Renee says that just because Mr Duper thinks that way that does not mean that all men think that way.

At C&F Ally calls Elaine into her office, where Mark is sitting. She tells Elaine that Mark has something to say. Mark apologises, but says that it bothers him when she overtly grovels over other men. The way she breaks out into a sweat every time she sees Jackson Duper. Elaine says it is unintentional. But Mark says that overtly showing interest in other men is disrespectful.

At the therapist’s Richard tells him that it is not about the glove or him, but about Melanie. John tries to interrupt, but Richard says it is his turn. "Mozambique" says John. That is how Richard’s father expressed his affection suggests John. Richard corrects him "Mumboket". Bill Mumboket was both Richard and his father’s favourite pitcher for the Red Soxs. He’d just wink and say "Mumboket" in moments of affection. Richard suggests John’s problem is all because John has been turned down by Melanie and John suggests that Richard is threatened by Ling’s ex-boyfriend. "Are you both lonely?" asks the therapist.

Later that evening Ally is discussing the situation with John, when she sees Larry, who keeps finishing her sentences for her. She tells John he will work it out with Richard and Melanie.

Jackson comes into the reception area and tells Ling that the jury want to know how long Mackey has been working with the defendant, which suggests they are contemplating damages. He says they need to get another offer on the table fast. Jackson asks Elaine to draw up a draft settlement agreement. She swoons and says OK, as Mark watches her.

Back at the therapist’s, he tells Richard and John that they have regressed to their friendship, but that this has put extra demands on their relationship, which has led to frustration and anger. Both are afraid of relying too heavily on the other, with all their faults and habits. He tells them to go back and sort out their problems with their women, so that they do not have to rely on each other so much.

Jackson is going over the draft settlement agreement with Elaine. A bead of sweat forms on her brow and gently trickles down her nose, as he leans over her, and she eventually has to wipe it away, but Mark has seen it all. Ling then tells Elaine and Jackson to forget the settlement as the jury are back. Mark confronts Elaine on the sweating issue. She says it is just one lousy bead, which is progress.

In the unisex Richard comes in to find John deep in thought. Richard says that he comes in peace. He tells John that he is more proud of his friendship with him, than all his money. John asks Richard if he has plans for the next 5 minutes and then takes him into his Hole in the Wall.

In the courtroom the jury find in favour of Mackey, but only order damages in the sum of $10,000. Jackson tells Renee that he hopes that there are no hard feelings and then invites her for a drink. Ling watches on jealously.

Richard and John sip cocktails and smoke cigars in his Hole in the Wall. John tells Richard that he cherishes their friendship. "You just thought it was time to show me your hole" says Richard. "John…..Mumboket" says Richard.

In the bar Vanda’s at it again. Elaine dances with Mark and Jackson’s having a drink with Renee. Ling is clearly miffed. Elaine comes along and suggests that she may be having a real relationship. She says she doesn’t know what to do now. Ally tells her just to be there for him, love him, be honest with him, and every now and then tell him that he has a really nice arse. Ling cannot stop watching Jackson as he chats with Renee. Meanwhile back in the office Richard and John play catch Now where did they get the other glove from?

Reach Out & Touch (17/10/01)

Ally is looking out of her window watching the snow. She sees and hears Barry Manilow singing. Naturally she screams and Renee comes in to find out what the problem is. Ally tells her she is seeing things and Renee runs through the usual list of suspects, but Ally finally admits its BM. "Call 911" Ally says.

Breakfast meeting and Richard tells them they are making lots of money, but that he wants more, so they have hired a "rainmaker", who he would like to introduce now, but he is not there. Nelle is not happy. Richard tells them that they do not have to feel threatened. "Nobody’s job is in peril as we speak at ten past nine" he assures them. Richard then moves on to talk about Ally’s situation and Ally sees him as BM again. She stifles a scream and Ling asks her if she is going to be weird again now Larry has gone. She tells her she never stopped being weird, and leaves to find somewhere else where she can be weird on her own.

As she gets into the reception area she bumps into a hunky black guy, who she immediately mentally strips down to his boxers [wouldn’t they have gone too, or are women intrinsically just more decent than men?]. He introduces himself as Jackson Duper - the new man at C&F. Jackson asks Ally the way to the facilities and she tells him with a grin [boxerless now maybe] and then has to stop herself from following in to the unisex. Elaine is mesmerised by Jackson too and then the lift opens and a redhead with dark glasses and balloons emerges. She is looking for John Cage. Ally points her in John’s direction and she hands him the balloons saying they are from Melanie West and then kisses him passionately. Melanie removes the wig and identifies herself, wishing John a happy Valentines Day.

Ally slopes off depressed and John, spotting her, follows and asks if she has heard from Larry. She says she has that morning and will do again that evening. She tries, unconvincingly, to convince herself that a long distance relationship can work and John tries to agree. She says she has her silly annulment case to concentrate on, but then asks John to take it on for her, telling him that she is hallucinating a little. Richard, Ling and John quiz Ally on her new troubles, and the reason why she wants to be taken off the case. Richard is not happy with the situation, but when Ally tells him that it is Barry Manilow she is seeing he responds immediately with "Your’e off the case", and hands Ling the file. He tells her he’ll put Jackson Duper on the case with her.

Melanie is in John’s office and she tells him that she loves Barry Manilow. John is flabbergasted as he loves him too. "I think I’m ready to share something big with you" he tells Melanie.

Ally is explaining to Clayton Hopper, her client, that she is handing over his case to Ling and Jackson. Jackson cuts to the chase and asks what the case is all about. Clayton explains that he married a nymphomaniac. Ally explains that he is trying to annul his marriage, and that they are also suing the minister because he was having an affair with his wife when he married them. Ling enters the room and stops mid-sentence as she sees Jackson. "You’re Jackson Duper?" she asks and leaves. Jackson follows her to her office. It transpires that they have slept together, but that Jackson didn’t tell her his real name.

John and Melanie go into the unisex to share his "big thing". John checks the stalls and then enters his stalll, taking Melanie in with him. He locks the door and then with a flick of his remote the back wall opens into John’s "Hole in the Wall" room. John asks Melanie if she will marry him. She squeals and Richard, in the unisex, cannot work out where the noise is coming from. Melanie asks him if he is serious and they squeal together. Richard continues to try and track down the squealing, and is then joined by Ally. She opens a stall and sees BM singing again. Richard tells her that she must confront him. ""Take his head off", he advises. Richard leaves and Ally opens the stall to confront BM, but he has gone.

In court Clayton is on the stand with Ling leading him through his evidence. He tells the court that it was when he watched the wedding video that he realised his wife had a problem. Ling runs the video of the wedding and his wife can clearly be seen being French kissed by the minister. He tells the court that when confronted she admitted she was having an affair with the minister. He is cross-examined by the not-so-comfortable attorney who acts for the minister, who suggests the minister could not have broken up the marriage as he says there never was a marriage. Counsel for Mrs Hooper gets him to confirm that his wife told him she had a disease - nymphomania. He is not sure this is relevant.

Back at C&F John is still pressing Melanie for an answer, but she will not be pushed. Jackson and Ling return from court and he cannot believe that he has been assigned a real case. Just to add to Jackson’s problems Elaine is using her ViBra in the background to get her nipples to shoot in and out. Jackson is non-plussed.

John and Melanie have moved into his office, and Melanie explains that it is not that she does not want to marry him, but that she does not believe in marriage. John is not happy with her response but accepts it.

That evening Ally is in bed in her apartment talking with Larry on the phone. They exchange pleasantries and she rings off telling him that she loves him. She tries to settle down to sleep, but then gets up and goes to a fridge that is in her room. She opens it to reveal Larry’s snowman, still frozen in all its glory, complete with his note. BM sings in the background. Ally sees him at her piano and then Vanda takes over.

Jackson and Ling are in her office, trying to sort out their differences when Richard enters. He wants to know what the problem is and Jackson tells him that he and Ling "got biblical" one evening after drinking in a bar. Richard is a bit slow to cotton on and asks if he means they prayed together, but then realises that Jackson means they had sex together. "Jackson Duper meet Richard Fish, my boyfriend", says Ling as Richard does goldfish impressions in the background. Jackson’s turn to squirm.

Ally is trying to calm John down in her office. "Talk, think, feel, pain, balls!" shouts John. Ally tells him that Melanie has not rejected him. She loves him, but is not comfortable with marriage. She reminds John that when he goes to talk with Melanie that he must not be defensive. Richard enters the room and announces to no-one in particular "She slept with him". John squeals and Ally covers her ears. Richard explains that he is talking about Ling and Jackson, and says that he wanted to hit him. John says he could not even take Ling and Richard attacks him. Ally intervenes and pulls them apart. She tells them that they are both vulnerable and that what they need to do is communicate. They shake hands and apologise.

Ally leaves John’s office and stops Mark from going in to see Richard. He does not like the new guy. Elaine hasn’t stopped sweating since he got there. Ally thinks he is exaggerating, but Elaine is melting gently at her desk.

On the stand the minister is giving evidence and suggests that he only had an affair with Marsha Hooper under duress. She had taken her breast out whilst they were planning the wedding ceremony, and he admits he licked it. Jackson starts to cross-examine and then tells the judge that this is nuts.

Ally confides in Mark and Nelle that she’s seeing Barry Manilow. They tell her that she will have to confront him. A sweaty Elaine comes over to tell Ally that Larry is on the phone. As she backs up she bumps into Melanie coming out of the lift. Melanie goes into John’s office to talk with him, but John and Richard are both hanging upside down de-stressing. John dismounts with a back somersault and twist. John asks Richard to leave, but his dismount is not of quite the same standard. Melanie suggests that it will be the differences that will outweigh the commonalities. John tells her that that is rubbish, and tells her not to reject the idea that two people can make it work. She says that she has just never seen it.

Jackson enters the unisex and catches Richard in mid-flow. He leaves and Nelle enters and introduces herself to Jackson, who thinks she is in the wrong bathroom. She explains its unisex and then, as Jackson goes to enter the stall it flushes automatically, courtesy of John’s remote. John explains that he likes a fresh bowl and takes the stall. Elaine then emerges from the next stall breasts flying in all directions. Distracted Jackson then bumps into Melanie who whoops and squawks, before joining John in his stall. Jackson tries to take stock.

In court Marsha Hooper gives evidence, saying that she loved her husband, but couldn’t help herself. Jackson asks her if she ever thought to tell her husband that she was a nymphomaniac, but she admits she thought he wouldn’t m