Legal Fun Last modified: 07 November 2007
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Legal Fun Last modified: 07 November 2007 |
We've found some more law-related humour for
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Daft Laws
We'll try and update this page every few weeks or so, so
keep coming back.
Daft
Laws
Here is a list of the UK's top 10 most ridiculous British laws :
1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or
queen's image upside-down
3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a
tropical fish store
4. Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned
5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your
toilet, you are required to let them enter
6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants,
including in a policeman's helmet
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes
the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen
8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know,
but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour
10. It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but
only if he is carrying a bow and arrow
Other bizarre foreign laws include :
In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk
In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation
is decapitation
A male doctor in Bahrain can only examine the genitals of a woman in the
reflection of a mirror
In Switzerland, a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm
It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama
In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed
Women in Vermont must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear
false teeth
In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during
funerals or hospital visits
In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon
Legal
News
Prisoners escape after workman leaves ladder against wall
Police in Mexico are hunting for 23 inmates who escaped after a workman left
a ladder against a prison wall. The ladder was propped up against the main wall
of the Mazatlan prison, in Sinaloa, reports Terra Noticias Populares.
A prison spokesman said it had been left by workers from an electrical company,
who had been carrying out maintenance work.
He said: "It is just one of those things you can't foresee. We have to see
the funny side of it. But the truth is these people don't come here often and
are not completely used to our security norms."
Police say all of the escaped prisoners are dangerous, having being convicted of
offences including murder, drug dealing and kidnapping.
So far, three have been recaptured. Another one failed to get away when he was
injured falling off the ladder.
Ananova
LONDON (Reuters) - Bus passengers in Manchester were dumbstruck after a traffic warden slapped a £40 parking ticket on their bus when it halted at a bus stop. Moments after driver Chris O'Mahoney pulled his Number 77 bus into a bay marked "Buses Only" an over-enthusiastic traffic warden issued the ticket, newspapers reported on Saturday. "All my passengers queuing to get on were gobsmacked (surprised) when the warden dashed over," O'Mahoney told the Sun newspaper.
O'Mahoney said he repeatedly tried to point out to the warden that the
vehicle he was driving was a bus and had every right to be stopped at a bus
stop. Red-faced council officials
subsequently scrapped the fine. "Issuing
this ticket showed a lack of judgment," a council spokesman said.
The warden is to be retrained.
OSLO (Reuters) - A Norwegian lawyer has taken revenge on his girlfriend's ex-boss by placing a false sex advert with the phone number and email address of the female radio station manager, according to a local court.
The manager at Radio Kongsvinger in southeast Norway got at least 50 calls in a two-day period offering her "excitement and secret love affairs" after the advert was placed on a Web site, the court said.
The man admitted to having placed the advert, saying he wanted to pay back the woman for pestering him. The radio manager, who is also a local politician, had fired the lawyer's live-in girlfriend. She denied the allegations of pestering.
The court sentenced the lawyer to pay 10,000 Norwegian crowns in fines and gave him a 30-day suspended jail term.
Canadian Press - CHARLES TOWN, West Virginia (AP) - Police have some pretty good pictures of suspected stick-up man Michael Howell, thanks to Howell, himself. Detectives in Charles Town, West Virginia, say Howell took some snapshots with a stolen digital camera before the camera was pawned.
According to investigators, one shot shows Howell holding the gun he allegedly used during the robbery of a convenience store.
Police say a friend of Howell's pawned the digital camera without first erasing the memory. Now, Howell has another picture for his scrapbook -- his mug shot. He's being held on $120,000 bail.
LONDON (Reuters) - Four suspected thieves who robbed a Chinese food delivery man by hitting him with a bag of prawn crackers were nabbed after police followed a tell-tale trail of spicy sauce, British police said on Tuesday.
Police in the West Midlands said the takeaway delivery driver was jumped on by a group of people who bashed him over the head with the light-weight crackers before stealing his food.
When officers arrived, they noticed a thin path of sauce had leaked from one of the containers. They followed it to a nearby apartment where they arrested three men and a woman.
The driver, who has not been named, was not seriously hurt, police said.
The four arrested were due to appear before magistrates in Walsall charged with robbery. Another man was released without charge.
EUREKA, Calif. (Reuters) - Nine bare-breasted women briefly halted logging work near California's contested Headwaters Forest on Friday in a protest against what they said was unconscionable logging of redwood trees.
"These gorgeous young women were belly dancing. One logger actually got down on his knees and kissed the ground,'' said Dona Nieto, a California activist who has staged several "Strip Tease for the Trees'' protests.
Nieto -- a poet who goes by the name ``La Tigresa'' -- said the protest interrupted logging work for about two hours at a point known as the "Hole in the Headwaters,'' an area of second-growth redwood trees left out of a 1999 deal between Pacific Lumber Inc. and state and federal officials aimed at preserving the Headwaters Forest about 250 miles north of San Francisco.
The protesters, who gathered at around 5 a.m., stripped off their shirts, sang, chanted and handed out chocolates to surprised loggers, tying up traffic for about two hours until police arrived to clear up the scene. There were no arrests.
"The loggers and the cops were absolutely stunned,'' said Nieto, who launched her anti-logging protests last year with demonstrations of what she calls "Goddess-based, nude Buddhist guerrilla poetry'' to a number of timber and logging sites in and around northern California.
Friday's action marked the largest environmental strip-tease to date.
One of the protesters, a 22-year-old who gave her name as ''Maple,'' said she was surprised at how agreeable the loggers were when confronted by topless women.
A drunken Norwegian who pulled a pair of underpants over his face and robbed a post office was awakened by police two days later to find he had tipped them off about his identity.
The 47-year-old drunk charged into the post office and handed over a note saying "This is a robbery," the local newspaper Bergensavisen said on Friday.
But his wife's name and personal details were on the back of the demand note, the newspaper said.
The man told a court he did not remember the robbery, but admitted he had a suspicion of having been up to no good when he woke up and saw a picture of the be-knickered robber in the newspaper and found a large wad of money in his living room.
From my own local paper - The Chichester Observer (bless them)
04/10/01
Police have arrested a man charged with six offences of indecent assault and
another man charged with five offences of indecent assault, a man for harassment and a burglar. Three other men have been cautioned for separate
indecency offences. Other offences are still being investigated including a
series of indecent assaults on trains.
A drink-driver fleeing the police jumped into their car thinking it was a taxi. One officer said: “I was laughing so much I could hardly put the cuffs on.” Gary McGowan, 27, was banned for 18 months and fined £300 by a court in Houghton-le- Spring, Co Durham.
Stephen Csillag, from Weston-Super-Mare, got so wrapped up in the thrill of his hoax 999 bomb call that police had time to trace the call and arrest him whilst he was still on the phone.
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 apiece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space travellers were told they could spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars.
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
Complaints
to the Council
(a tenuous legal link we know, but funny none the
less)
Extracts from letters (allegedly) sent to councils and housing
associations throughout the UK
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob
off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his
foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. … and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think
it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
6. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in
September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
8. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls
are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
9. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
10. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not
fit to drink.
11. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
12. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner
and need it badly.
13. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am
his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
14. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
15. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so
please send someone round to do something about it.
16. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
17. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
18. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still
have no satisfaction.
19. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get
BBC2.
20. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus
growing in it.
21. ... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can't take it anymore.
22. ... it’s his excuse for dogs’ mess that I find hard to swallow.
Court
Quotes
They really said them.....
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: What was the first
thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: So the date of
conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Doctor, before you
performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Every now and again the law throws up an oddity or two. Here are some we've found which might amuse you.
Here is the text of a real will proved in 1737. (We don't recommend you try the same).
The fifth day of May
Being airy and gay
And to hype not inclined
But of vigorous mind
And my body in health,
I'll dispose of my wealth.
And I'm to leave
On this side of the grave
To some one or other
And I think to my brother
Because I foresaw
That my brethren-in-law
If I did not take care
Would come in for their share
Which I nowise intended
Till their ways are mended
And of that, God knows, there's no sign.
I do therefore enjoin
And do strictly command
Of which witness my hand
That naught I have got
Be brought into hotch pot
But I give and devise
As much in me lies
To the son of my mother
My own dear brother
To have and to hold
All my silver and gold
As the affectionate pledges
Of his brother John Hedges.
Title in New Orleans
Here's a story which we are assured is true sent to us by friends from across
the pond.
A New Orleans lawyer sought a loan from the FHA for a client. He was told the
loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of
property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to
1803, which took the lawyer 3 months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.
While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented an application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the
present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country,
particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana
was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in
our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by then reigning monarch, Isabella.
The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin.
I hope to hell you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
They got it.
Copyright © 2000
Please do not reproduce without our permission
You may have come across the expression "Devil's Advocate". In fact this comes from Canon Law. In the Vatican, when arguments are being presented to have a person declared a saint, the church appoints an official to pick holes in the argument that is being put forward. This official is called the "Devil's Advocate", an expression which we now use to refer to anyone who puts the other side of an argument just for the sake of the argument itself.
According to the Book of Lists 3 (Amy Wallace: Bantam Books 1983), Gloria Sykes had only been in San Francisco for 2 weeks when, in 1964, she was involved in a serious cable car accident. According to the court papers the accident had the effect of turning her into a nymphomaniac. Apparently she had had sex 50 times in one five day period. She successfully sued the cable car company and won $50,000.
www.dumblaws.com - An American site showing that they really do know how to make up some mad rules!
www.ca-probate.com/wills.htm - Check out who wrote what in their wills.
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